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Home >> Trust Administration & Probate >> The Mourner’s Bill of Rights

The Mourner’s Bill of Rights

By Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

    1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don’t allow them to tell you what you should or should not be feeling.
    2. You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want about your grief.
    3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don’t take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.
    4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits. Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel ready to do.
    5. You have the right to experience grief ”attacks.” Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but it is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.
    6. You have the right to make use of ritual. The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More important, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you that rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don’t listen.
    7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality. If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won’t be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.
    8. You have the right to search for meaning. You may find yourself asking, “Why did she or he die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, “It was God’s will” or “Think of what you have to be thankful for” are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.
    9. You have the right to treasure your memories. Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.
    10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal. Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.

 

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We began our estate plan process in 2004 (12 years ago) and have been pleased with the periodic reviews we have gone through and when changes have been needed the firm has been thorough and professional in making those changes.

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August 25, 2020
    

I have known Robert Kulas for 20 years since I was co-executor for friends who had Mr. Kulas prepare a Trust for them. When I felt I needed a trust also, I came to him. I have always been completed satisfied with his work and that of his charming, competent staff.

~Joan C
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August 25, 2020
    

Mr. Kulas and his staff have been extremely helpful & knowledgeable for the over 3 years we have been associated. They are easy to talk to and explain everything without feeling rushed. Very competent and professional.

~Mildred W
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August 25, 2020
    

I have worked with Mr. Kulas & staff before. And they are very professional. I am very satisfied with Mr. Kulas and his staff and give them the highest satisfaction and 5 star rating.

~Leo C
Client Review
August 25, 2020
    

Robert Kulas and staff made making a will an easy to understand process. They were very knowledgeable and attentive to my wishes. All my documents were provided in an organized binder which will be a great asset to my family. I would definitely recommend them.

~Krissy L
Client Review
August 25, 2020
    

Everyone treated us extremely well.  Robert explained how a trust works and the benefits of having one.  We decided to move forward and complete the process.  He was very kind and knowledgeable.  Julie was also very helpful and very patient with our questions.  We felt very comfortable with this firm handling our affairs.  We would highly recommend this firm to our friends and family.

~Janice M
Client Review
August 25, 2020
    

"Everyone treated us extremely well.  Robert explained how a trust works and the benefits of having one.  We decided to move forward and complete the process.  He was very kind and knowledgeable.  Julie was also very helpful and very patient with our questions.  We felt very comfortable with this firm handling our affairs.  We would highly recommend this firm to our friends and family."

Janice M
Client Review
August 25, 2020
    

Robert Kulas and staff made making a will an easy to understand process. They were very knowledgeable and attentive to my wishes. All my documents were provided in an organized binder which will be a great asset to my family. I would definitely recommend them.

Krissy L.
Client Review
August 25, 2020
    

I have worked with Mr. Kulas & staff before. And they are very professional. I am very satisfied with Mr. Kulas and his staff and give them the highest satisfaction and 5 star rating.

Leo C.
Client Review
August 25, 2020
    

Mr. Kulas and his staff have been extremely helpful & knowledgeable for the over 3 years we have been associated. They are easy to talk to and explain everything without feeling rushed. Very competent and professional.

Mildred W.
Client Review
August 25, 2020
    

I have known Robert Kulas for 20 years since I was co-executor for friends who had Mr. Kulas prepare a Trust for them. When I felt I needed a trust also, I came to him. I have always been completed satisfied with his work and that of his charming, competent staff.

Joan C.
Client Review
August 25, 2020
    

We began our estate plan process in 2004 (12 years ago) and have been pleased with the periodic reviews we have gone through and when changes have been needed the firm has been thorough and professional in making those changes.

L.G.K.
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